Frankly my dear Scarlet...

I probably got that quote wrong by the way. The gist of it? I don't give a damn.
It's funny that at 35 I still struggle everyday to find a sense of direction. I was told
once that I am probably clinically depressed...but who isn't? Seriously...if I had a
dollar for every melancholy person I know? At least a large pizza with three toppings
and a 2 liter. At least.

My wife thinks we need a change in scenery. I tend to agree. However...where? And to
what end? There's that stupid old saying that goes "Wherever you're at...there you are."
Oh, how true that rings. I don't think finding a new town will actually help me to find a new
Jim. That suddenly with a new shitty job and new friends (um...yeah) that I will suddenly be
fulfilled in ways I wasn't before. I'm not sure that's even a worthy goal. Fulfillment. Meaning what exactly? I'll be all happy with who I am and the choices I make will be golden and every
thing will fall into place like the end of some Tom Hanks movie? Probably not.

Anywho, enough with the bellyaching. Today is my daughter's last day of 4Th grade. It's awesome
for her. She really is great. Watching her turn older has been incredible. I feel kind of bad for
her because she couldn't have gotten a more cynical father. School annoyed me then and it annoys me now. All the people you thought were going to be around forever. All the bullshit drama. All the getting in trouble....maybe that last part was just me. My dad used to tell me that
the only thing that mattered was family. That my friends would never last. I assumed he was drunk, which he probably was. But, that doesn't make it less true. I have one friend left from
those days (despite what Facebook thinks) that I have any contact with still. ONE. Not that there
was a crowd of them back then either. I have a feeling that had I gone to a bigger school I would
have been way more the outcast then I was at good ole Tri-Point.

My point? Oh, well, my point is that my poor kid has to deal with the fact that I am cynical as all get out. My wife isn't really a fan either. But that's like cancer saying it doesn't like you losing your hair from the chemo. I kid, but seriously, she hates it. How can she not? I'm like a cross between Eeyore and Doug Whiner. (Look that one up.) I tend to deal with things by being what I call proactively negative.
If things go right, I can then act pleasantly surprised. It's fun. Try it. Assume for a few days that everything sucks. And nothing is going your way. Imagine how awesome even the little victories will feel then!!! I should right a self help book. "How to Improve Your Life by Expecting the
Worst." by Jim Sprandel. What a great idea. Probably wouldn't sell though. Probably get bad reviews and everyone would think it was stupid. See how that works??? Pure gold.

Well, I'm off. Time to start some summer vacation. Hope it's as good as last year! The year that we did nothing and it was boring as hell and my personal life sucked hairy ass. See! There I go again! Someone get me a literary agent...